champagne river
Swimming through a river of champagne
Golden bubbles slip through my fingers
Wet limestone, juniper, and pear through my nose
Limitless
Staring at me
The moon's eyes hang low
Her face falling into craters that cradle what she's lost
In her mind she can swim through the craters
Leaving traces of velvet flowers
In the places where she once bloomed
Limitless
Digging through the roots
The decayed seeds of grief
metamorphosize into butterflies
Limitless
Fluttering wings of orange and pink
Peak through the clouds
Bouts of peach and green
Touch the surface of the ocean
Limitless
Grazing the salty smooth waters
The wings dive through vastness
Tearing holes in the delicate sheets that carried them
From velvet flowers to monarchs that traverse worlds
Limitless
Wow Chana, I love this! Every time you repeated limitless this poems message became even more significant. Nature is so elevated here and shows us that the sky is not even the limit. I especially love this verse: "The moon's eyes hang low
ReplyDeleteHer face falling into craters that cradle what she's loss
In her mind she can swim through the craters
Leaving traces of velvet flowers
In the places where she once bloomed
The images here are powerful and I love how she cradles what she lost, in a place she once bloomed. This is such a powerful moment and you hold onto it for the entire poem, so amazing Chana.
This is an interesting sequence. The poems, if these are intended to be separate poems, feel rather haiku-like, though they do not follow the formal rules of haiku (which are a translation from the original, anyway). Yet the sense of stillness and of absence of ego is present in some of these poems.
ReplyDeleteI notice that some but not all of them connect from the final image or line of one section to the beginning of the next section. I am guessing that the image stimulated the first sequence, and that the ones that follow were improvised section to section.
Would it be more effective if the third line of stanza one connected with "Staring at me" in the next one? That would help complete the pattern of connectivity, right?
I like the subtle interweaving of images and lines. I admit that I find images of butterfly transformations to be a bit on the over-used and overly conventional side. Like using a red rose for love, a rainbow for happiness, or a unicorn for anything, it's kind of a cliche-image that people devoted to poetry will likely find to be overdone. I realize the butterflies are in the image, but for me, still, the transforming into a butterfly thing is not my favorite part.
But I love the two lines leading up to the butterfly line:
Digging through the roots
The decayed seeds of grief
I just wish the seeds didn't turn into butterflies. It's a mixed metaphor, for one...
Still like this poem and like the idea of "modified haiku." We will discuss haiku in class soon.
I really love this poem! The picture was really nice but I didn't even need it to see the "Fluttering wings of orange and pink
DeletePeak through the clouds
Bouts of peach and green"
It was really cool how you weave the theme of being Limitless by including the word after each stanza. I also really liked your word choice with the word "metamorphosize" and how it had the internal rhyme with the "butterflies". I just found that part beautiful and thought it flowed really nicely.
One thing I will say is that it was a little confusing to understand what the poem was about. I know it was about rebirth through the butterfly metaphor but I definitely think that I'm missing themes and ideas that you have in there.
Overall I really really enjoyed!
I felt like this was a meditation that I did not know I needed. I loved it. In the third stanza, did you mean to write "lost" instead of "loss" or is that just me? Also, you spelled the word "traverse" wrong in the second to last stanza. I also wanted to say I love the repetition of the word, "Limitless". I think maybe that is why it felt like a meditation. I liked that the direction of this poem was that it could go anywhere and it still works.
ReplyDeletethe imagery here is gorgeous and i love how each stanza maintains its independence while also connecting so beautifully throughout the entire poem. this definitely has a dizzy and dreamlike effect and I LOVE how rooted it is in the nature of death and decay. this made me feel so many emotions-- i honestly cant think of a criticism.
ReplyDelete