Mortality
Days blown into an infinite circle
Memories fading like that of a ghost
Lingering yet not quite invisible
The vivacity billowing away
Flurrying fierceness of who I once was
Now wearing thin, delicate like ballet
My melting mind hisses as they decay
And while my mortality is showing
I ride the wind all the way to the end
Creaking and cracking with circles slowing
The life that we live is only on lend
My existence vanishing with the wind
Water holding lost lilies from my mind
This poem highlights various beautiful part of mortality. That being said, I have quite a few pointers; I would change the words flurrying, creaking, and cracking. They take away from the maturity of the poem. Also some grammatical changes, for example, My melting mind hisses as they decay- change the they to it. There are great lines in this poem: Memories fading like that of a ghost/ Lingering yet not quite invisible pack a heavy punch.
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