The Lonely Monologue of Charles Collins

I wonder

As I sit here in my new unfamiliar life

Will I ever settle

When will I be in their lives forever

Nurturing them to bloom like Gentians

Victorious in the heat of melting faith

I wonder 

The marigolds that once sang in our backyard 

Do they murmur through the decaying roots 

Like children trusting their garden 

I wonder

As my glass grows beads of water 

Wells of dreams 

And oceans of potential 

Condensating on the side of my glass 

I wonder 

As I wipe them away 

As quickly as I did to them 

What does she look like?

What sports does he play?

I wonder 

If she has my eyes 

If he plays golf 

Like my father did with me 

Can't find my way through this dimension 

So I go on to create new ones 

Whiskey 

Gin and Tonic 

Vodka on the rocks 

I wonder 

If he still drinks “Blue Smurfs”

And her, Shirley Temples, with extra cherries 

If she is even old enough to order a drink at the bar? 

I wonder 

Does the change in time zone 

Change my need for commitment 

Mountain time is leisurely 

And it seems that the sun never sets on the west coast 

I wonder 

If I'll end up alone 

Don't know where I'm going 

Will the drink in my glass satisfy me 

As deeply as this incessant doubt 

Or as widely as their distrust in men